I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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