i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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