I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
