Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Duck Duck Cougar?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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