Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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