was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone shattered a urinal.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
