I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just google imaged poop.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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