He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
