life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
