I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
