any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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