It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
