i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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