Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
