No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
