dude i'm inner monologue high
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
