I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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