she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
