I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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