you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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