Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you inspire me to be a worse person
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
