dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
