You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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