I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
