I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
