I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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