You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
