She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
