I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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