And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
