i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
time to smoke my breakfast
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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