Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
