Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
