Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
