My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
