I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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