my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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