apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And then my night got REAL pukey
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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