You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
