why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
