So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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