i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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