ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
