Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
