my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.