so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did