Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.

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(248): In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary. http://tfl.nu/2umo

Replies (20) Good night (1453) Bad night (612)
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(330): View more from Ohio

so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.

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(330): so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv. http://tfl.nu/d9vr

Replies (62) Good night (2314) Bad night (730)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.

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(678): Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again. http://tfl.nu/y1d0

Replies (32) Good night (1419) Bad night (6319)
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(567): View more from Ohio

you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.

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(567): you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often. http://tfl.nu/8to5

Replies (6) Good night (3363) Bad night (764)
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(937): View more from Ohio

i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus

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(937): i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus http://tfl.nu/ioq2

Replies (26) Good night (8618) Bad night (831)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall

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(617): I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall http://tfl.nu/nke4

Replies (19) Good night (5047) Bad night (953)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.

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(724): I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo. http://tfl.nu/korz

Replies (12) Good night (8107) Bad night (1165)
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(801): View more from Utah

When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?

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(801): When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married? http://tfl.nu/a2v4

Replies (10) Good night (3705) Bad night (784)
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(512): View more from Texas

Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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(512): Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back. http://tfl.nu/xf8c

Replies (5) Good night (1098) Bad night (581)
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(512): View more from Texas

But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.

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(512): But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation. http://tfl.nu/31qq

Replies (3) Good night (547) Bad night (321)
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(719): View more from Colorado

My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.

(505): View more from New Mexico

By piano you mean.....

(719): View more from Colorado

Like literally a piano.

(505): View more from New Mexico

Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.

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(719): My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked. (505): By piano you mean..... (719): Like literally a piano. (505): Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/b7lv

Replies (5) Good night (1007) Bad night (430)
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(847): View more from Illinois

We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.

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(847): We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful. http://tfl.nu/8snr

Replies (5) Good night (1011) Bad night (372)
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(360): View more from Washington

You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.

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(360): You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it. http://tfl.nu/4bwy

Replies (2) Good night (717) Bad night (326)
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(661): View more from California

I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now

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(661): I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now http://tfl.nu/9xhp

Replies (2) Good night (554) Bad night (318)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back

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(303): I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back http://tfl.nu/8udh

Replies (2) Good night (247) Bad night (583)

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