Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
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Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.