trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Is it penis luge time yet?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
