It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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