I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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