Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
