you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
3pm strippers are depressing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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