So drunk its hurt
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
not ubering you a puppy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
