i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
