Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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