Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
