I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
