This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
