the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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