she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
