Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
