Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
