5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
how does that bad decision feel?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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