Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
