I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
