The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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