Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
